ARTHOLE

Hey Arthole,
My name is Admiral and I thought you might be interested in this weird video I found. Basically I was at a metro station in Chicago and I saw something weird in one of the urinals. It looked kind of like a pantyhose shell with a camera lens on it. I reluctantly fished it out and tried to open it but it was sealed tight (not to mention my hands were all slippery from the piss and everything). I took it to my friend who used to work at NASA and he used his bitchin' set of tools to get it open. What was inside? A pair of hose. Not just any hose though, my buddy put it under his electron microscope and he was all freaked out. He said he had never seen anything like it. The nylon threads were encoded with some sort of computer language. He ran it through one of his high tech NASA programs and it generated this media file. The weirdest thing yet? He had his friend at the natural history museum carbon date it and it doesn't even exist yet! This fucking thing is from the future! Swear to God. My Friend thinks it could be from outer space. some sort of alien perv bot. Later that week I woke up in a field with my hands and feet zip tied together like a pig or something. How I got home is a whole 'nother story. When I got there though, my apartment was trashed and every pair of pantyhose I own was missing. There was a note that said if I knew what was good for me I wouldn't ask no questions. Well, you don't have to tell ol' Adama twice. Anyways here's part of the video, the rest ain't appropriate for kids if you know what I mean.